I don't want to go back to school.
There. I said it.
I love my job. No, really. I LOVE IT.
It's just... I love my days with Peanut
more.
Just the thought of spending my days
away from him tightens my chest and encourages sneaky, lurking tears
to make an appearance. I'm so jealous of mothers who can spend each
day, all day raising their children. Although I love my job and
having the opportunity to spend time with other incredible children,
I want to be with mine. (Stomps foot.)
I've never felt bummed about the
start of the school year and it weirds me out, to be honest.
Usually I'm eagerly doodling bulletin
boards and researching new ways to teach inferencing by July 15th.
When August first hits I've knocked off at least 6 professional books
and have bought out the majority of Staples. My classroom is
generally ready to go one week before school starts.
Not this year.
I'm trying to soak up everysinglesecond
of Peanut time I can. I pause while walking the hallway to smell his
neck, ignore phone calls to enjoy his coos, and have super simple
meals to spend more time singing The Wheels on the Bus. It is
amazing how my world has shifted and I wouldn't have it any other
way.
I'd love to say that "I have to go
to work," but the truth is that I choose to go to work.
I suppose I could quit my job and be at home with Peanut all day. I
just don't like the consequences of that, including losing my house
and being unable to support my child. (Note: August is Child Support
Awareness month. As I learn the ins and outs of this system- which
currently feels entirely ineffective- I hope you'll take a moment to
read the stats provided here.)
When you get down to it there are SO
many things I'm looking forward to this school year. I'll have a new
group of students, get to implement The Leader in Me with the Western
staff and be a member of the Lighthouse Team, truly co-teach with
36ish 4th graders, 2 teachers, and 1 room, continue to develop a
rigorous and engaging reading/language arts curriculum with a great
team, and much, much more.
It would be just peachy-perfect if I
could do this while baby-wearing...
Thinking about you. I know it is harder than I can understand, but as the child of a single-mom teacher, I can attest that as he grows, summer days off with you will be what he remembers as "life" when he grows up, and you have and will make those count for every ounce of Mama in you, I know!
ReplyDeleteDawn, you totally got what was on my heart! Thank you for the words of faith and affirmation!
ReplyDeleteIt is so hard to go back to work when they are so little!! You are giving Peanut everything you have and as he gets older he'll see that you are going to school to do something you love and that will be just one more thing he respects about you.
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